


Not all changes are bad

by Mystic_Girl_84_Blackness



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 01:27:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14202030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystic_Girl_84_Blackness/pseuds/Mystic_Girl_84_Blackness
Summary: After Zosia’s wedding and that night with Dom, followed by Dom’s confession afterwards about how they won’t be together because Lofty doesn’t understand his feelings, rather than transfer to AAU Lofty decides he needs a new challenge and a fresh start. Reluctant to leave Holby he restrains as a mental health nurse. He meets Dylan again in ED when his sent to do an evaluation on a patient. They get to know each other again, and realise that while they’ve changed, their still something between them. Will they be able to brave the gap and leap into the unknown?Dom is mentioned briefly in this story, however I have not tagged him as I don't think his role is significant enough and I don't want to lead Dom fans into reading a Dyfty story if they aren't fans.





	Not all changes are bad

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow guys. I have written a story that doesn’t have a Dofty ending. I mean this is a pretty remarkable thing for me to do these days. I feel so proud. It was hard, I kept wanting to write Dom rather than Dylan at first. Do both names need to begin with the same letter? Anyway it’s done. Complete. 
> 
> Love it. Hate it. Unsure about it. Please let me know in the comments section, as I may try to write another.   
> I have enhanced Lofty and Dylan’s characters however hope I have kept enough of their characterisation and personality to be believable. 
> 
> I tried to be nice about Sam, as I think Sam is genuinely hurt that Dylan hasn’t spoken to her. Which I think is bad on behalf of the writers rather than the characters, but I think I can see why it’s been done and why Dylan is so defensive. 
> 
> I was in two minds about what to do about Dom and Lofty, but ultimately decided that after the wedding would be the best time to base this story. As you will see I have drawn in a few Holby and Casualty events since then, to suit my story.

In real life, changing wards and disciplines is a lot more challenging than I will make it out to be. But for my narrative I am going to get Lofty to do a 1 year master’s to top up his nursing qualification to a mental health nurse and change wards. 

It was time for a change, the position came up internally and Lofty was eager to go for it. Lofty enjoyed his time on Keller but was looking for a new challenge. It wasn’t just because of his failed relationship with Dr. Copeland. An opportunity had opened up on the mental health ward and Lofty had decided to go for it. Encouraged by his enthusiasm and his dedication to the patients, the team with a push from Hanssen supported him in getting a masters and he changed his adult nursing qualification to a mental health nurse qualification. The training was intense, it wasn’t easy and more than once Lofty wondered if he had made the right choice. ED nursing even seemed easier. However he had a very supportive manager and team, who gave him the additional support he required during his training period. He did lots of training, however found the benefits of being a mental health nurse outweighed the stresses. The only thing he didn’t like was restraint training, but then he reasoned what medical professional did? During this time, he had seen little of his collegues from Keller or ED. Free time involved reading up on cases, conditions and cramming in as much learning as possible. Dom had opted to keep his distance and it wasn’t often a consult was needed on Keller. Lofty had completed his training and was now entrusted to go and do exams in ED to decide if a casualty needed further psych support. It was on one of these trips down to ED that he met Dylan again who had asked for a consult.   
“Nurse Chiltern” Dylan said surprised when Lofty appeared pad in hand, smile on his face and his trade mark enthusiasm.  
“Dr. keogh, what do you have?” Lofty asked straight to the point skipping pleasantries.   
“I’d heard rumours...” Dylan began but then changed and followed Lofty’s professional example “OK so Ann. 26 years old. Admitted with a severe bleed to her wrist. Say’s it was caught on a nail while putting up some pictures, however the wound is too clean with no jagged edges visible. She also appears to be underweight and dehydrated. She’s been very anxious since she’s arrived and very evasive when you ask her anything about home” Dylan finished  
“OK let’s go meet her” Dylan led the way to the cubicle and Lofty followed  
“Hey Ann, I’m Nurse Chiltern but everyone tends to call me Lofty.” Lofty introduced himself   
“I know why your here! I didn’t do this on purpose! I’m not hurting myself” Ann exclaimed  
“I’m not here to accuse you of anything,” Lofty said eager to calm the patient “ tell me what happened?” Lofty requested   
“I was being stupid. I’ve moved into a new place and I tried to put things on the wall, I was stood on the wrong stool, the stool slipped from under me and I caught my wrist on a nail as I tired to prevent my fall” Lofty nodded noting it all sounded well rehearsed, still he was required to keep an open mind.  
“OK I just want to ask you a few questions to get some more background. Did you eat before you fell?” Lofty asked glancing down at his list of questions he was required to ask  
“No, I only eat threes a day, no carbs or fat. I like to be healthy. I don’t eat anything after 6pm” She answered confidently  
“OK and what time did yo injure yourself?” Lofty asked   
“About 10.30, I had the news on in the background” She answered   
“It’s funny, I do some of my DIY at that time of night, when people are a sleep, I find it so much calmer” Lofty mused “Mind you I wouldn’t if I had a landlord who lived on the property”  
“The landlady is away, so I won’t get in trouble” Ann answered   
“How much sleep do you generally get a night?” Lofty enquired   
“About 5-6 hours, I’ve never needed much sleep” Anne answered  
“Same here” Lofty mused “Shift work is a nightmare for sleep patterns. What do you work as?”  
“I am currently a student teacher” Ann answered   
“I always thought I would like to go into teaching, working with children, though I hear it’s very time consuming now, with lots of additional responsibilities especially for trainees. How do you general cope with stress?” Lofty asked  
“Watch TV, Read a book...occasional glass of wine” She answered   
“Do you socialise a lot with friends?” Lofty asked nodding slightly   
“I don’t really get the time to, I am too busy planning lessons for the next week. Trainee teacher is a hard job but I cope, and I will be finished in a few months”  
“Yeah? That will be great. Your be in you NQT year then, What years are you focusing on?” Lofty asked keeping conversation going  
“High school, key stage 3” She answered proudly  
“Wow. I have new respect for you. I remember what I was like at high school, mind you I had an amazing teacher in my third year, Miss Story who saw my potential and pushed me into science and care” Lofty said with a smile “I’ll always remember a good teacher”  
“That’s what I want to be, I want to inspire children to do their best, achieve their dreams, even the reluctant learners” Ann said passionately  
“That’s kind of why I went into nursing, I wanted to make a difference and help people. This is my last question Ann, and I am sorry but I need to ask this have you ever felt helpless or ever wished to hurt yourself?” Lofty asked   
“No” Ann answered firmly “I am stressed, I am tired which makes me clumsy but I would never hurt myself”  
“Thank you for your time, I shall be back shortly. Before I go, may I have a quick look at the wound?” Lofty asked “Dr. Keogh can you get a glass of water?”  
Ann showed him the wound, Lofty noted the lack of jagged edges from the nail as Dylan had, and it’s location was rather a strange place. However when he peered closer he thought he saw something that had caught his eye  
“Thank you, we’ll get back to you soon” Lofty said   
“Well?” Dylan asked   
“She’s stressed, no doubt about that. While her weight isn’t ideal, she’s not at risk at the present time. We can give her advice about nutrition and refer her to her GP. Her training is very stressful, and I will call a doctor from upstairs to confer my findings. The thing is we can only help her, if she accepts help” Lofty said sadly “We don’t have enough to keep her in, the wound wasn’t deep enough to cause death or severe blood loss, and while slightly dehydrated its not at a concerning level, but we need to make sure she understand the importance of eating a well balanced diet including the food she is stopping herself eating, drinks plenty of fluid and finds an outlet for her stress.”  
Lofty called the ward and explained the situation, the doctor on the other end of the phone agreed with assessment and results, though did stress she needed to be encouraged to seek professional help sooner rather than later. He then relayed his finding to Dylan   
“We can’t admit her, despite everything, she sounds coherent, she keeps a steady job, she doesn’t seem any more stressed than other people I know in her profession. What we can recommend though is that she seeks help, call her GP and refer her to a counsellor in addition to making sure she drinks and eats properly”  
“That’s all?” Dylan asked surprised  
“I am afraid so, that’s all we can do today” Lofty said  
“She obviously lying about the cut!” Dylan exclaimed   
“You can try talking to her..” Lofty suggested  
“I thought that was your job?” Dylan said  
“You’ve been overseeing her treatment, she potentially feels safer around you than me” Lofty argued  
“Will you at least come.” Dylan asked  
“I honestly don’t think she will talk to me if there is a problem” Lofty said   
One thing being a mental health nurse had taught Lofty was that he needed to have a thicker skin. He’d accepted that not everyone would like him or want his help, no matter how hard he wanted to help people. He could only do his best and provide the stepping stones for people to find their own way.   
“OK well truthfully I don’t believe you” Dylan decided on the direct approach   
Lofty raised his eyes but said nothing, remembering this was Dylan patient.  
“Have you had any feelings of helplessness recently?” He asked  
“No, I am constantly tired and stressed but nothing that would lead me to self harm” She said adamantly. Dylan thought again before Lofty made a suggestion   
“Maybe we can get round to stitching your wrist up?” Lofty said “I’ll get a kit”  
Dylan wondered were Lofty was going with this, but waited. Lofty came back in with a kit, including a magnifying lens. He set it up and tasked Dylan with the job of stitching up the wound. Before that he checked the magnifying lens to look closer at the cut, noting under a magnifying glass the edges were slightly jagged, not caused by a rusty nail nor did they seem to be caused by a knife. He prompted Dylan to look. Dylan looked through the glass noting the slightly jagged edges, they were very faint that he wouldn’t have seen them without a magnifying glass. He hummed quietly in agreement with Lofty’s assessment He continued to work carefully stitching up the wound. They continued to talk, as Lofty observed.   
“Right, you can go home” Dylan said   
Ann looked at them in relief   
“Really?” She asked   
“Yes” Lofty said “I am however doing to refer you to your GP. You are under your recommended weight, and seem dehydrated. Now the dehydration I imagine because your running around all the time, but you really need to remember to drink plenty of water. You also need to mix up your meals a bit, at least a third of your plate needs to be vegetable to help your digestion, you need to eat protein, if your vegetarian quorn works just as well or chicken and white meat, beef is also good and healthy as long as you trim off the fat. You also need some carbohydrates. Rice is good if you don’t like potato or pasta. It’s not heavy in your stomach. But your GP will put you in touch with someone else to talk about nutrition. They will also put you in touch with a local counselling service  
“But I don’t need it?!” Ann exclaimed “I’m not doing anything wrong?”  
“Not at the moment, but the thing with small things like this, if untreated they can lead to bigger problems and a lot of the time you don’t realise how big until you collapse under the weight. Small steps now can prevent that. There is nothing in your contract that says you need to tell people what is going on in your personal life, as long as it doesn’t affect your professional work. It helps employers but its something you choose to disclose. I am recommending it, because I have a friend whose a teacher, she gets really stressed. Like you she’s passionate about her job, she attended sessions once a week for 8 weeks, they used CBT and showed her the best ways to deal with stress. Since then she is calmer, and handles her stress better with a mixture of exercises and techniques.”  
“Have you...ever had it?” Ann asked   
Lofty seemed to be assessing his answer, before being honest “Most places have pastoral care or a helpline in place, we are no different in the NHS. When I was studying to be a nurse I did CBT and it helped in a lot of ways especially with the theory side of everything”   
“You think it would help me?” Ann asked quietly gazing at Lofty  
“Yes, I do. If I had a say I would make it mandatory for anyone working in school, care or any profession really.” Lofty said  
“OK I will speak to my GP, It can be stressful at times” Ann admitted  
“My teacher used to say ‘As long as you try your best, your best is good enough” Lofty said with a smile, that Ann returned  
Dylan signed the discharge papers, before Ann left. Dylan saw Lofty heading upstairs   
“Uh...where are you going?” Dylan asked  
“I need to get back, have a couple of patients to visit before I go home” Lofty said with a smile   
“Are you...I finish in 2 hours, did you maybe...want to...get some coffee and um...catch up?” Dylan asked  
Lofty looked at his watch taking note of the time  
“That sounds good, so Pulses in about 2 hours?” Lofty said before getting in the lift. And Dylan nodded in agreement. 

3 hours later Dylan was waiting at Pulses. Lofty was over an hour late. Dylan tried not to panic, maybe he’d been held up at work. He didn’t have Dylan’s new mobile number. 5 minutes later Lofty sat down opposite him, a look of pure exhaustion on his face mixed with an apologetic smile  
“Sorry, Had a difficult patient...couldn’t leave on time” Lofty said with a tired smile  
“Does that happen often?” Dylan asked   
“Mental health Dylan, everyone is fighting their own battles...” Lofty said with a smile   
“True...I didn’t get you a drink...I didn’t know what you drank now?” Dylan said anxiously  
“Don’t worry, think I might have a hot chocolate after that shift...and a cookie! Oh and maybe whipped cream” Lofty said standing up “You want another?”   
“Uh...please...coffee white” Dylan answered   
Lofty smiled before heading over to the counter and buying the drinks. He returned with a tray with a doughnut and cookie on.  
“Thought you might be hungry” Lofty said with a smile  
“Thanks..” Dylan answered taking a small piece of the sugary treat   
Just at that moment a woman walked in, a paramedic who seemed to make a beeline straight to Dylan. Lofty thought she looked familiar, but couldn’t place her. Mind you working in the hospital you see plenty of faces you don’t know.   
“Dylan...your having coffee?” The woman said in a surprised tone  
“Yes Sam, I am. Sam this is Ben, a former colleague, Ben this is a Sam, a paramedic and former colleague” Dylan answered shortly  
“So you’ll have drinks with him but not with me?” She said sounding angry   
“Contrary to popular belief, I do see people outside work. Ben and I were catching up” Dylan answered   
“Fine, but we are still talking later. Does he know?” Sam asked her eyes boring into Dylan   
“Of course not” Dylan said in an annoyed tone “Unless someone decides to make an announcement to the entire hospital, and no I don’t think I need to talk later”   
“Fine. Ben, Dylan’s never mentioned you, but its good to see him chatting to someone, now if you’ll excuse me” She said walking off quickly  
“Wow!” Lofty said “I am sensing more of a story...”   
“Don’t go there” Dylan said quietly   
“You had a...oh...OK...so hows ED going anyway?” Lofty asked   
“It’s OK” Dylan asked “Why did you move from Keller? Thought you were happy there?”  
“I was...I mean...” Lofty didn’t seem to complete the sentence   
“Robyn said you were dating a doctor?” Dylan said   
Dylan had asked after Lofty a few times, and Robyn always seemed to know what was going on with Lofty   
“I was...it didn’t work out. I wanted a change, like you said give 100% and I was...but Keller wasn’t challenging me any more, so I decided to try something else. I love nursing and helping people, and I have always been drawn towards peoples feelings and able to emphasise with them, so thought I would put that skills to good use.”  
“Well it was interesting watching you work...you seem more...confident” Dylan answered  
“It was a wake up call, and a change but I have worked hard. I’ve had to ‘toughen up’ though, so I can take on the pressure, but I have a great boss and other things in place” Lofty finished  
“Other things?” Dylan asked  
“We have access to a counselling service, should our situation become too stressful. It’s not that bad to be honest, it’s nice to have someone to talk to and because they are aware of your job, you don’t need to explain so much. It’s part of the hospitals pastoral care for its staff. Hannsen put it in place a while ago after several unfortunate incidents with staff”  
“Is it for...everybody?” Dylan asked   
“Yes, anyone that works at the hospital. Everything is confidently as long as your safe and others are safe” Lofty said “Then they have legal obligation to inform management should they think you aren’t safe to do your job, but that rarely happens. I know staff who have overcome addiction, depression, anger issues. I can um… give you a number if you know someone who may need it?”   
“Maybe another time, I’m uh not sure they will need it” Dylan answered   
“OK well let me know” Lofty said taking a bite out of his cookie  
It both intrigued and amazed Dylan, that why Lofty had obviously ‘toughened up’ his choice of drink was a hot chocolate with cream and Marshmallows and a cookie. As if reading his thoughts Lofty spoke   
“Life is to serious on the ward, when I finish work I like to relax and be unburdened really” Lofty said with a smile brushing off a crumb from his lips  
“So what else...” Dylan said before a figure approached Lofty in a Keller uniform  
“Lofty? I thought it was you” The doctor said calmly with a smile on his face  
“Dom,” Lofty answered though averted his eyes from Dom’s suddenly finding his cookie quite fascinating.   
“I’ve not heard from you for a while, hows Psych been?” Dom asked   
“It’s going well” Lofty said once again making the briefest of eye contact with Dom and keeping his answers to a minimum. Lofty had been really hurt by Dom telling him he didn’t understand his emotions as that had honestly been one of the best nights of his life.  
“Is this one of your colleagues?” Enquired Dom looking at Dylan  
“This is Dr. Keogh, an old friend from ED. Dr. Keogh this is Dr. Copeland, a doctor on Keller” Lofty said  
“I think I was more than just a doctor Lofty” Dom said with a smile placing a hand on Lofty’s shoulder. Dylan watched Lofty tense slightly, before forcing his shoulder to relax. He wondered about Ben’s relationship with this doctor. He didn’t often see Ben look uncomfortable and he didn’t like it. What had Dom done to upset him so much.   
“Ben and I were about to leave” Dylan said noting Lofty had already eaten most of the cookie  
“Oh I was going to ask if I could join you” Dom said looking disappointed   
“Sorry” Lofty said with a grateful smile in Dylan’s direction before reaching to put his coat on.   
“I’ve got to get home and walk the dog” Dylan answered “And Ben was going to come with me. It’s logical not to be ones own at this time, is it not?”   
“Ben is it?” Dom asked interestedly eyebrows raised   
“Of course it is” Answered Dylan as if it was the most obvious name in the world to call Lofty  
“Right, we’re off” Lofty said “Say Hi to Sasha for me”  
Dylan and Lofty both left with their drinks, leaving a very intrigued Dominic Copeland in their wake. As they were both began walking Lofty smiled at Dylan   
“Thanks, it’s a night for ex’s isn’t it?” He asked   
“I uh don’t know what you mean” Said Dylan   
“Dom, we slept together at his best friends wedding, cliché I know.” Lofty said in a quiet tone “I thought we had something, I thought that we were going to be a couple...he didn’t. He didn’t even give us a chance. He thought I didn’t understand my feelings, but I know how I felt...mind you his had a tough time so maybe some of the blame is on me for pushing too hard, I don’t know”   
“I didn’t know you were..that way inclined?” Dylan answered  
“I’m attracted to a person rather than a gender,” Lofty said with a smile “Something I think Dom found hard to understand as well”  
“Well um..I mean that’s just your ex” Dylan said  
“Dylan, I know Sam’s your ex wife” Lofty said quietly   
“How did you find out?” Dylan asked curiously  
“I talk to a lot of nurses, we nurses know everything going on in the hospital” Lofty said with a smile. It was a well known fact that the nurses in Holby knew everything that was going on, and failing that it was the curious F1’S/F2’s that seemed to know everything.   
“Yes, well she’s returned” Dylan answered “For some uncanny reason”   
“Maybe she wants to be close to you again?” Lofty answered “She seemed quite eager to meet you again” Lofty was being diplomatic, whatever was bothering Sam, well she had seemed concerned, which in turn had made Lofty concerned. Lofty knew that if he wanted to get Dylan to talk, he’d have to tread carefully. After being out of someone’s life for a year, you couldn’t just go in all guns blazing and maybe Dylan would want to talk to him like that again.   
“I Honestly don’t fancy dinner or whatever she is offering” Dylan said sharply  
“Hows Dervla?” Lofty changed topics sensing this topic was at an end  
“She’s good, your coming to walk her with me, yes? We’ll walk you home” Dylan said   
“Yeah, I would love to see her again” Lofty said with a smile   
The moon was out, and despite their being a chill in the air, it was still a pleasant walk. When they reached Dylan’s boat, Dervla was very excited to see them. She greeted Lofty with tail wags and licks, before letting Dylan put her lead on. It was a companionable silence as they began their walk. Dervla trying to smell everything, Lofty really enjoyed the feeling and was Dylan was enjoying it to. They walked around for about an hour, neither seeming to want the walk to end. When they reached Lofty's place they were both disappointed it had ended.  
"What are you working tomorrow?," Lofty asked  
"I am working early tomorrow, you?" Dylan enquired  
"I've got the late shift" sighed Lofty  
"Is that your rota for the rest of the week?" Dylan asked  
"I'm off Saturday and Sunday, rare weekend" Lofty answered “I have plans during the day, but nothing in the evenings”   
"Maybe we can have uh coffee Saturday night? I have the day shift" Dylan said   
"Yeah that would be nice. See you at Dunkin'?” Lofty asked referring to a cafe between the hospital and his place.   
" Yeah, see you then" Dylan answered   
Lofty smiled before heading to his apartment. As Dr. Keogh watched him walk away, he realised he hadn’t received a Lofty hug. For some reason that disappointed him. Maybe in part due to Lofty ‘toughening up’ he’d stopped giving them. Dylan found himself feeling rather sad in that thought. 

It was Saturday and Lofty was waiting at the cafe near the hospital. He was excited. It had been a tricky week. He had a scratches from his patients and had a few things thrown at him that week. Sometimes his job was very challenging, but it was worth it in the end. He felt challenged every shift, and he relished it. It was definitely a quicker pace. 10 minutes later Dylan came in, looking rather tired.  
"Hey, I took a chance and got you a coffee" Lofty said in way of greeting   
Dylan grumbled and sat down, though mastered a small half smile for Lofty   
"Thank you," He said   
"Busy day?" Lofty said   
"Annoying F2 more like" Dylan  grumbled "Poking their nose into everything, making a big deal out of something that is nobodies business"   
"Oh dear." Lofty said sympathetically. He himself was a private person so could understand Dylan’s annoyance at whatever had been revealed.  
"She only.... Made a huge scene in front of everybody" Dylan groaned “I mean everybody”  
"Scene about what?" Lofty asked curiously   
Dylan looked like he was trying to decide whether to tell Lofty. In the end he took a deep breath and relented.   
"Things have been tough... Recently. I have... Been drinking" Dylan answered   
Lofty didn't look surprised which puzzled Dylan and he wondered of Lofty already knew.   
"Have you heard it already? Is that why you invited me for drinks?" Dylan asked in a slightly elevated tone, thinking Lofty was trying the same thing as Sam.   
"First, this time you invited me out for drinks. Secondly I could tell something was going on, however I didn't know it was to do with drinking." Lofty said calmly  
"Well now the whole department knows, knew there was a reason she wanted to follow me" Dylan groaned “I am dealing with it now, and I am good at my job. I make the right calls. I don’t mess up and I never put my patients at an avoidable risk”  
"I know you don’t. You never have. I don't know her, but maybe she was worried?" Lofty questioned "though it is a really unprofessional thing to do in front of a group of people"   
"Now Sam's on my case about it" Dylan moaned "Wants to meet up for dinner!"   
Lofty chose not to say anything, to him it seemed like Sam just cared for Dylan, maybe she seemed a possessive but he didn’t always see the harm in that. Dylan however appeared in no mood to hear that. Lofty chose to find a safer topic.   
"I spent my day helping my Gran move back home" Lofty said as way to start   
"Oh what happened?" Dylan asked   
"She had a mini stroke, thankfully she's OK now" Lofty said with a smile   
"Oh well that's good to hear" Dylan said   
"Yeah so basically I will be popping there every day after or before work to check she's OK, then visiting her on a day off" Lofty said with a smile   
"She's um lucky you do that so often" Answered Dylan   
"She's my Gran, she practically raised me" Lofty said with a warm smile "Oh I was meant to ask, how was France?"   
"Difficult, there were lots of kids though" Dylan answered evasively   
"I admire you doing that. I couldn't have done. Don't think I could help people then walk away" Lofty mused “Not knowing what happened once I’d left.”  
"No it was um.. Harder than I thought it would be" Dylan admitted “There was a brother and sister who were trying to get to England, the sister unfortunately died while trying to escape by Smugglers...I had to treat her brother. It was...difficult”  
"I bet" Lofty said lost in thought for a moment “Do you know what happened to them once you left?”  
“I..uh...no I don’t! Dylan answered awkwardly. He saw Lofty tilt his head slightly at that before shrugging his shoulders and continuing to drink. 

There conversation continued for a few hours. They found they had a lot to catch up on. When they finished their drinks, they walked back to Dylan's boat to walk Dervla. She bounded along full of energy and excitement as they walked towards Lofty's home. Once again they both found themselves walking slower as they got closer to Lofty's. When they arrived Lofty smiled   
"Do you have anywhere to be tomorrow?" Lofty asked   
"Late shift." Dylan answered.   
"Yeah? Well I am doing some over time, helping out late in the evening with my ward. Did you want to come in for a bit?" Lofty feeling the same as Dylan and not wanting the evening to end.   
"Are you allowed dogs?" Dylan asked   
"As long as they are house trained" Lofty answered   
Dylan followed Lofty into his small flat. As he entered he noted how homely it was. Lofty had pictures up, a couple of him and Robyn, one with an older woman Dylan assumed was Lofty's Gran and a couple from his travels.   
"Drink?" Lofty offered   
"Just water please" Dylan said   
Lofty came back with 2 glasses of water before retrieving a dish for Dervla with water. Dylan smiled at the gesture.   
“Why have you got scratches on your hand” Said Dylan noticing nail marks on the top of Ben’s hands  
“Oh the patients, some parts of my job aren’t so good, patients can be unpredictable”  
“Do you get hurt often?” Dylan asked sounding concerned  
“Sedation is the last thing we do, we have procedures in place to de-escalate the situation including restraint training” Lofty said with a shrug  
“Wow, that must be tough...” Dylan said in slight awe  
“It has to be done, besides after being thrown through glass, dealing with challenging behaviour in ED and a few other incidents involving patients, it’s not to bad. I now know how to handle these situations” Lofty reassured him  
“Still...it does..um..as long as your safe” Dylan said awkwardly   
Lofty smiled at Dylan, understanding what Dylan was saying.   
“I always am. We’re a team, who work together so we’re able to deal with challenging things together. I’m never alone” Lofty reassured him   
“That’s..uh...good then” Dylan said awkwardly “You seem very in control”   
"You have to be. Theirs no room for error. If you can't get a patient to talk, then you risk something happening to them, however you can’t force people to talk. You have to open yourself up a little. You taught me that, remember that domestic abuse we tackled a few years ago? You told her about your OCD and made yourself vulnerable, sometimes you have to do that, to get a patient to open up. They need to see you as an equal rather than someone who will ultimately control what happens to them"

Dylan agreed with this and the conversation continued until midnight when they both decided to call it a day. Dylan left with Dervla, and as he watched Lofty shut the door, found himself wishing that Lofty had hugged him, which was bizarre as he generally hated anyone who encroached in his personal space. Feeling slightly confused by these feelings he headed back to his boat.

They continued to meet regularly once a week, around work, AA meetings, and Lofty’s Gran. It was 3 months down the line, and Dylan had yet to receive a hug from Lofty. He couldn’t understand why this was bothering him so much. It just seemed so different, and the subtle difference from the Lofty in ED he’d grown to know, to this ‘new’ Lofty who while he seemed so similar, yet appeared so different. He had to admit as of late Lofty was looking tireder when they met up, but he didn’t complain, just said they were super busy especially with this week being a full moon, which Dylan couldn’t understand in the slightest. How could a full moon affect people? When he’d asked Lofty gave him a small smile, and moved onto another topic. 

Dylan was on the late shift, when he got a call from a colleague  
“Hey Dr. Keogh, Psyche’s on lock down again.” Dr. Hardy said “Your on call”   
Dylan had noticed this seemed to be a regular occurrence recently, but when he had queried Ben about it, Ben said it was nothing unusual. It didn't affect any other part of the hospital. They had their own isolated wing. It was a just was warning that their could be potential casualties. Dylan had only seen 2 members of staff who had come down from Psyche, one had been bitten and one had fractured his hand. As Dylan thought about, he noted on their meetings Lofty was looking more tired. Lofty reassured him that it was just a few patients that periodically returned. There was no secure facility for them, as their needs were not that severe, however when they returned they would at times react negatively to being back on the ward. However most of the time their hands were tied and the person was released once they were deemed not to be a risk to themselves or others. After 2 hours, Dylan thought it might have been OK until Ben had come down. He was brought down by a colleague who appeared to have the start of bruising around the eye.   
“Hey, can we have some help” The other nurse said   
“Yes, of course” Dylan said leading Ben over to a cubicle, while calling Bea over to check out the other nurse.   
“What happened?” Dylan asked   
“Patient bit me on my shoulder” Lofty said   
Dylan noted the blood coming through the shirt.   
“How? I thought you were all...OK” Dylan asked   
“Training new members of staff isn’t easy” Ben answered “A patient was able to get out of head restraint, bit me in the shoulder and smacked my colleague in the eye, hence the injuries. Not bad though, worst injury I’ve had in over a year” Lofty said as an after thought  
Dylan helped Lofty remove his shirt, and noted the bite didn’t look as deep as he first feared with the blood marks on Lofty’s top. He gentle examined it, before cleaning it, keeping his touch professional.   
“Your up to date with Hep B, Hep A and TB?” Dylan queries   
“Regular as clockwork” Lofty answered  
“Just to minimise the risk of infection I am going to give you amoxicillin...you don’t have any allergies you know about?” Dylan asked  
“None that I know of” Ben answered   
“Then I will clean and stitch up your shoulder and advise you to take a couple of days off work” Dylan said “Does your patient have any infectious diseases”  
“No thankfully, we do blood tests when they are first admitted if nothing exists in their records as a precaution”  
“Right, well, that’s something then” Dylan said   
He numbed the area, before beginning to gently stitch up the wound. Lofty relaxed as Dylan worked, he knew he was in safe hands. As Dylan was finishing his colleague appeared   
“You OK Ben?” He asked   
“Yeah, Dylan’s got some of the best stitch work on the ward, stitches need to be equally apart right Dr. Keogh” Ben said with a smile  
“Yes, of course.” Dylan said impressed Ben had remembered his teachings from years ago.   
“Well I need to head back and complete the paper work, Can you come up when your finished and help me?” Dan asked   
“No problem” Ben answered   
Dan left with a smile in Ben’s direction as Dylan finished his work, and dressed the wound. He knew a nurse could have done it, however he wanted to make sure it was perfect.   
“Right we’re done. Um come back in a week and we’ll remove the stitches, don’t worry about you GP” Dylan said “I’ll get your discharge papers, your antibiotics and I’ve included painkillers in case”   
Lofty ran a hand through his hair, then Dylan noticed a slight bump on Lofty’s head   
“What happened to your head?” Dylan asked his torch already out and before Lofty could say anything was shining the torch in his eyes, making Lofty gently take his hand to still his movements  
“Oh that was from this morning, don’t worry I had it checked out. I was still fine to work” Lofty said “We’ve been a bit short today, hence the paperwork I need to go back upstairs and fill out”  
“Does that happen often?” Dylan asked concerned  
“No, lots of people have been off with the 24 hour bug this week, we’ll be back up to speed soon” Ben reassured him with a smile  
“Right...um OK” Dylan said placing the torch back in his pocket  
“Thanks,” Ben said with a smile getting up from the bed  
“Look..um I finish in..um 2 hours. Due to the possible concussion, you shouldn't be alone tonight, did you...maybe fancy coming to mine?” Dylan asked awkwardly   
Dylan saw Ben’s soft look in his eyes, an old Lofty look filled with some emotion that Dylan had yet to identify  
“It would be wise I guess” He answered “Paperwork will take a few hours. If you don’t mind, meet you here at 8?”   
“Yes..um..see you then” Dylan said gruffly  
He watched Lofty head off to his ward. He smiled inwardly, unaware that Sam had just overheard the conversation   
“So you invited him back to yours, but you won’t have dinner with me?” She said in an annoyed tone  
“He can’t be left on his own, he has no one to go home to. Of course I offered for him to stay with me. It’s the right thing to do” Dylan argued  
“You wouldn’t have offered that to anyone else” argued Sam “Have you told him? About the problem? Does he know about the addiction? About the other issues?”  
“Yes, for your information I have, and as suspected I find him a lot less judgemental than the majority of the team I work with.” Dylan answered sourly  
“I only want to help you, I can’t if you don’t let me in!” Sam exclaimed  
“I don’t want to let you in Sam, your right, our marriage never stood a chance and I can see that now.”  
“I know you still care about me” Argued Sam “I care about you”  
“I did.. I do but then you had to ruin it, and you can’t just come back in my life and expect me to open up to you” Dylan argued   
“He did” Sam said “I’ve spoken to Iain and he told me Ben...Lofty up and left to travel”  
“He had his reasons” Dylan argued “He wasn’t in a relationship with me, and he didn’t sleep with another man. Completely different scenario. Now if you don’t mind, I have patients to attend to, unlike some paramedics around here, I don’t have time between jobs for idle chat” Dylan said gruffly  
Sam watched him go. She knew he had a point, but she did genuinely want to help. She really thought she was the best person to help him. She knew him, when he’d been like this originally and knew he still cared for her. Why was this Lofty, who had vanished from his life, suddenly return and had earnt this trust that had taken her years to get, and even then she wasn’t sure she had it. Why was Lofty so special?

2 Hours later Lofty returned, looking tired however happy his shift was over. He found Dylan waiting for him at the entrance   
“Homeward bound?” Dylan said   
“Yea” Said Lofty shifting his bag on his shoulders  
“Do you need a change of clothes?” Dylan asked   
“Already sorted” Loft said tapping his bag “As I’ve been visiting Gran, I take a change of clothes in case I need to change  
“Well that’s good planning” Dylan answered “Have you eaten?”   
“Not properly, I was going to say mind stopping at the chippy?”   
“No of course not” Dylan answered as they walked to the chippy  
After grabbing food, they headed back to Dylan’s boat, picking up Dervla on the way. They enjoyed a meal together, in companionable silence. Once finished they both sat on Dylan’s sofa. Dylan put some music on in the background.   
“Wow that was a tough shift, is your shoulder OK?” He asked  
“Hurts, but the painkillers are working now, so its just a dull ache” Lofty said with a smile  
“I’ll um check it in a few days time, if you want” Dylan said awkwardly   
“You don’t have to, but thank you, that would be great” Lofty said with a small smile   
“So when are you next working?” Dylan asked   
“Well, they have cover sorted for the next 2 days, then it will be evaluations until the shoulder has stopped hurting, then back to reality” Lofty said with a smile  
“So when you did that evaluation with me..?” Dylan asked curiously   
“Oh that was because I was the most experienced nurse on shift and doctors were unavailable” Lofty answered. He shivered slightly, which didn’t go unnoticed by Dylan who disappeared for a minute before returning with a blanket, and with unusual care wrapped Lofty in it.   
“Thanks” Lofty said with a small smile  
“Theres a spare pull out bed in the other room, um you can sleep in mine and I’ll sleep there” Dylan suggested   
“Don’t worry, I am sure the spare bed will be fine. Why do you have a spare bed?” Lofty asked as an afterthought “Have yo been having people stay over since I’ve been gone?”  
“I had a visitor stay with me for a few weeks, before his circumstances changed, and it just seemed easier to get a spare bed than have him sleep on the sofa” Dylan answered   
“Oh, a visitor?” Lofty queried carefully   
“It does occasionally happen” Dylan said defensively   
Lofty looked like he was trying to work something out before shrugging his shoulders.   
“True, I mean, I’m here” He said with a small smile   
Dylan relaxed. He really didn’t want Lofty to know about his stow away. Lofty smiled as he said goodnight and headed to the spare room to get changed. As he closed the curtain, he made to move things off the bed and found a games station with a game in it. He didn’t think Dylan had time to play games, let alone an interest in them. As he got ready for bed and lay down, he thought back to all the things Dylan had mentioned. The boy Dylan had treated, he’d obviously got attached. Dylan had, had a visitor long enough to get a spare bed for the room. The games station could have been for the visitor. He couldn’t imagine Dylan having someone over who would play with a games station. A teenage boy would like computer games. Pieces of the puzzle slotted together in Lofty’s head. The smugglers too, the boy and his sister who had tried to escape, who Dylan had helped. Had he helped the boy and brought the boy to England? If that was it, and the boy had, had to leave suddenly Dylan would have been affected, could that have been a reason he chose to drink? Especially as he rarely let anyone into his life. So he’d lost the boy Lofty deduced in his head. His heart suddenly went out to Dylan. He wanted to confirm his theory, but he didn’t want to upset Dylan by bringing it up. As he tossed and turned, his shoulder began aching from the bite. Deciding he couldn’t sleep, he crept out to the kitchen, and got a drink with the intention of topping up the painkillers. As he got the tablets and sat down, Dylan came out of his room. He didn’t seem surprised to see Lofty sitting in the dark with a drink.   
“Shoulder hurt?” Dylan asked   
“Yes, so just topping up” Lofty said swallowing the ibuprofen  
“I’m um sorry it hurts” Dylan said awkwardly “Is your head still sore?”  
“I am sure it will stop eventually, and no it’s just the bite” Lofty said with a smile   
“Can I do anything?” Dylan asked   
“Can we talk?” Lofty asked “Just till I feel sleepy again?”  
“Of course” Dylan answered “I’m off tomorrow anyway”  
“That’s uh good...” Lofty said   
“So what did you want to talk about...” Dylan began awkwardly  
“I want to tell you something, something I’ve never told anyone except Robyn” Lofty said   
“OK” Dylan said confused   
“After...well the incident in ED I went to New Zealand...and uh while I was there, I did bar work. I didn’t retrain as a counsellor, it was just easier. You know, making drinks, serving people, making people happy. When I returned..people assumed I had bee nursing out there. I hadn’t, and I didn’t correct them” Lofty said   
“Well those skills don’t disappear and you would still be a registered nurse” Dylan said   
“I accidentally hurt a patient when I took blood, then told them they could go, when they couldn’t. I messed up. Thankfully Sasha was able to see something in me and kept me on.” Lofty said with a fond smile  
“So you were rusty, you didn’t do anything wrong” Answered Dylan   
“I felt like I did though, I pride myself on being honest and I wasn’t. The only person I could be honest with was Robyn” Lofty confessed  
“She’s your best friend, that’s nothing strange” Dylan finished  
“I wish it had been you I’d met that day” Confessed Lofty   
“Me? Why?” Dylan asked   
“Because you were the other person I trusted...even when you pushed me beyond my comfort zone, you trusted me to be the best I could be. You always reminded me of that” Lofty confessed quietly “I know, I have no right to pry into your life since I’ve been gone. I’ve been an awful friend to you, I loved what you did on my last day by the way. I just, I wished you’d have come to the pub. I want you to know, that well I’m back to stay, I love Holby and this is my home. I’m not going anywhere and I am sorry if you felt like...I abandoned you. I just...needed to clear my head. I want to be here for you, like I tried to be with the OCD, so if you need to talk, I won’t question, I won’t judge, I’ll just listen” Lofty trailed out looking at his hands  
Dylan took a moment to study him intently. He may not understand all human emotions like Lofty appeared to, but he was able to read body language and had a strong feeling Lofty knew something.  
“You know, don’t you?” Dylan asked   
“Know what?” Asked Lofty   
“Don’t do that, Ben. After that speech...be honest” Dylan said in a tired tone  
“I don’t know, I piece together bits of the puzzle and well I have a partially formed conclusion”  
“So what’s your conclusion?” Dylan asked   
“You grew attached to the boy you treated, when his sister died, you’d have felt responsible for some reason, you try to make things right. You did the same after Diane for me. To make it right, you’d have done anything, including bringing the boy back to England” Lofty said “Then I guess something happened and he had to leave”   
“And they say Watson never knows anything” Dylan said quietly   
“The games console in the spare room and the game, kinda filled in some of the blanks. I mean you don’t play computer games as far as I know” Lofty said with a chuckle  
“You won’t judge?” Dylan said   
“I’ll just listen” Lofty promised   
“You were right about most of it. His name was Senosi. He came back with me. I kept him here for a while, brought the game, you know tried to keep it quiet. I broke the law Ben. He had family that he could go to, so it was like giving a ride to someone to get them home. Unfortunately his family member because to ill to look after him, so he stayed with me. Then the secret became harder to keep, you know what the ED’s is like. People started to ask questions, pay unexpected visits, fill in blanks and well he decided to hand himself over to the authorities rather than getting me in trouble. I hoped that because he was a minor he’d be able to stay in the country and no one has come to question me since, so I don’t think he told them I brought him” Dylan said   
Lofty took a moment to process this before looking at Dylan, with a look Dylan couldn’t understand. Lofty then launched himself onto Dylan, taking him by surprise and hugging him tightly. Dylan found himself returning the hug, rather unexpectedly a smile appearing on his face. He found he didn’t mind. He tried to be gentle worried about Ben’s shoulder. When Ben let go, he was looking at Dylan with misty eyes.   
“I...” Lofty trailed off “I...am so proud of you”  
“Huh? Why?” Dylan asked confused   
“You took a risk, a huge risk, you broke rules to keep someone safe, to make sure they reached a new home, to protect somebody. I just...wow. I didn’t think you can get any better” Lofty said with a smile   
Dylan wasn’t confused by the response, he’d expected something, he just hadn’t expected that reaction to his confession. Ironically he didn’t feel the panic of having told someone, worried that someone would report him or say something. He felt safe. He knew Lofty wouldn’t say anything. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest.   
“OK question for you...um..you seem more respectful of personal space” Dylan commented “That’s the first time you’ve uh hugged me since we met again”   
“Oh that, yeah that was probably a bit strange, you have no idea how many times I have wanted to, but I control it better now, I have to” Lofty said sheepishly  
“Why?” Dylan asked   
“When I was in ED and even in Keller it was relatively safe to be in people’s personal space as a reassurance. However a lot of people I help, don’t want me in their personal space, and rightful so. I think people find it hard to trust us so I am always cautious now, I try to give people space and let them make the first move if they need some support or comfort. Looking back when I used to hug you, you didn’t seem very comfortable with me in your personal space, which for that I am sorry. It was harder to control the impulse of my excitement but every hug meant something to me, if that’s worth any value” Lofty said with a small smile  
“Well...I don’t really hug...but I..I don’t mind if you do” Dylan said quickly “I mean I know at work you have to be sensible, but like you said outside of work you need to de stress and I often thought any physical contact did that to you. Back in ED I may not have been comfortable with a hug, but I only stopped you once, I don’t think I actually really minded, it was just always a surprise, you see guys don’t hug me and I barely let women hug me. That last hug you gave me before you left, I felt the impulse to return it, but I was still so angry that you had decided to go, it just seemed to confusing” Dylan confessed  
Lofty smiled at him softly   
“That’s OK, I can understand the logic. I am sorry I let you down though” Lofty repeated   
“It’s OK, you didn’t let me down, I just didn’t realise how much I would miss your infernally optimism. I know why you went..though next time you go maybe a postcard or something?” Dylan queried   
“Like I said, I don’t plan on going on going on anywhere, Holby, here, My Gran, this, even you are home to me and it’s were I belong” Lofty finished awkwardly though with a determined look on his face.   
“Well we can..uh try new things” Dylan said   
“Really? Like what?” Lofty asked curiously  
“How about we go to sleep and maybe tomorrow we can...go out for the day, um see your Gran then maybe go out to dinner” Dylan said awkwardly “I’m sorry I’m not very good at this”   
“No, No I would like that” Lofty said with a soft smile   
“I...I don’t know what this is, but when your around...things seem better. Its easier to talk, to breath...to live and I guess I...I want to see were that goes, so if you can um...be patient, I don’t really think getting involved too deeply with someone would be good at the moment, but I would say no in the future” Dylan said awkwardly   
Lofty eyes lit up, his lips smiled and he looked at Dylan with a look of if Dylan were to guess an emotion he’d say love, but that couldn’t be, they hadn’t known each other that long.  
“I want to help you as well” Lofty said “I mean you seem to be doing OK on your own, but I want to be there in case” Lofty confessed  
“That...would be acceptable” Dylan conceded  
“We’ll take it slow” Lofty said  
“Yeah, Dead slow” Dylan replied 

Lofty looked at Dylan, he was asking for permission for something and Dylan couldn’t work out what. Lofty slowly lent forward giving Dylan a chance to move away from him, before placing the softest of kisses on his lips. He smiled shyly before getting his blanket and walking off to his room, leaving a speechless Dylan on the sofa. Dylan’s eyes followed Lofty and he may have allowed himself a small smile, once Lofty was gone, I mean no one else would ever know. 

ThE eNd

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve thrown in a few bits I know from working in residential homes with young people and yes for some reason the full moon is not a good omen for a shift. It was often a relief when I wasn’t working them to be honest. 
> 
> Bonus point if you know were the final two spoken lines are taken from.


End file.
